Untitled.

I've always wondered what would happen if one day you've finally found another girl. What would happen to me; our memories and you.

But I never thought what would happen if one day I've finally found another guy.

Things are so sudden, that I didn't realize only till now. That one day; when I woke up, I wasn't thinking of you. And when I'm in the bus on the way to school, I wasn't thinking of you either. When I go to sleep; Bubu didn't seem as important anymore.

I'm too shocked, and I don't know if this is a good thing. I told myself I would hold on to you. What's happening to me? I told myself that I wanted another chance to create even more happy memories with you; but suddenly my heart just stopped. 

Things are so crazy, I don't know what my heart and what my mind wants. I wish I could go for a break far far away; and to decide who and what I really want.

I'm trying to brainwash myself, to recall back our memories; to recall how much I wanted you on the start of January. But will it hurt even more?

It seems like every decision I do will still hurt. Whose there to save me? Whose there to make me smile again?

I need to control. Control my thoughts about you and him. 

But controlling seems to be my biggest enemy.

Maybe avoiding everything would just be the best. 

Holidays are coming soon, I shall go anywhere I want alone and have a nice break. Visit the places we both went before, and then visit the places he and I have visited before. 

Then I'll be hurt, I'll feel numb, I'll decide. But what if I can't decide? Will time give me an answer?

I miss you both, dearly.