Personal.

Hello readers, this would be the most personal post I ever done; I hope you guys would respect whatever I'm saying.
This is the 6th email that I've sent to him; and it would most probably be the last.

As dumb as it sounds; this might be the last email I would be sending you. I don't know if you've been reading or not, but still; this is the only way I can share with you my feelings.

I don't know how to really start this; but I know I would totally sound like a hypocrite. First saying that I would wait for you and that I'm sorry, but then now it's time to let go.

To be straight-forward. I found another guy. We're not together; maybe we will or will not but I know I'm starting to think of him more than you. I was really confused back then few weeks ago; and I tried so hard to hold on to you. I was so depressed and stressed over so many things but then I slowly made up my mind.

My heart has been thinking of him so badly; and I thought he wouldn't care. My emotions were so strong at one point of time that I actually did confessed to him; and that's when I slowly found the answer on who I really want right now.

My relationship with you might be the longest, the most serious and a memorable one. But I guess one day we or I have to move on. 

If you already did; I hope you find someone much better than me. But please treat her right; I don't wish another girl to be in the same position as me. Just saying.

Right now when I think about the past; I realize that this entire 1 year relationship made me into a much mature person. I know there's still room for improvement but I've really learnt many things through a relationship with you. I learnt to love someone and learnt to be loved; and the toughest thing was to love myself.

All the lies and mistakes I did made me lost you; but because of this mistake, I'll take it to heart and not lose another one again. I still treat you like a very best friend where I can confide you in anything and everything; I hope one day when we grow older; we'll see each other again and remember the happy times we used to have.

All the memories that I have with me; I'll not throw it away. But I'll keep it all in a box; so that it'll remind me of my mistake and make sure it doesn't happen anymore.

It's time to really get on with life and move on. But I'm unsure on how to find a new guy. All the things I did washed away my confidence and strength on how to love someone all over again. I don't want another guy to clear the shit that I've done, but I wish he would make me a better woman, so that I'll have the strength to go back to who I was right even before I knew you. The one who was so fierce and loud; the one that would stand up for herself instead of crying and being afraid of judgmental people.

I need to learn to control my emotions and be patient. These two made our relationship so sour and I don't wish to hurt the next guy. Should I just move on? Or move on and prove to him how much he really means to me?

My heart says yes, my brain says no. But this time I shall follow my heart; because he's one guy that I never let go since I first saw him during Semester 2.

Whether he and I will be together or not; or whether the friendship stays; I wish you would be here to guide me. 

I guess this sentence proves that I'm really getting over you huh? Haha.

I know I cannot depend on you anymore; so I guess I'll start to write diaries again? Or maybe just blog. hahahaha.

Thank you for everything Willie; I hope you'll forgive me one day, because the feeling would really be nice. Just like how I'm slowly letting go of the past :)

Byebye!