_bellxne

sup guys. emo post. alot of words.

i've been thinking alot lately, like ever since i didnt really have the mood to blog that much.
watching videos, shows,working just to keep my thoughts away. but truth is, it just keeps bugging me.
and yes particularly about him, about us.

we've been working and we didnt really talk much at all,
when you go for work, i wake up to text you just for awhile.
after you work, i wait for you to end and sometimes even wait till midnight so we could text a little before u sleep.
and the whole cycle repeats everyday.
when i make plans to meet you, you always cannot make it.
why? why is it that after all the trying, nothing good happens?
am i the one thinking too much? expecting too much?
if you want your feelings to be back, why cant i feel like you're trying?
is it because of your work? that i can understand.
but when you're free, you play games and never took the time we both had for each other.
i push other things aside just to make sure i never lose that chance when you're free.
am i the problem? is this all my fault?

i'm afraid. i'm afraid of this coming new year. i dont want my birthday.
because i will know the answer from you. i'm still trying, even though i'm here complaining and ranting, i will still try.
i hope you will, i wish you would use your chance to meet me.
because if i never initiate all these, i dont think you will.
should i try not to talk to you for 1 or 2 days? to see if you will talk to me?
i really dont know, i want to try. but to me; 1 day is alot to me. because every second with you counts.
i hope things will get better, and that it is better now. i dont wish to ruin things.
i'm sorry but this is bugging me for few days.

i just hope you understand how i feel sometimes,
and i wanna know how you feel too.

I still love you my friend, i miss you alot. i miss webcamming, i miss chatting on msn, i miss those late night phone calls, i miss meeting you to have fun. can i have all those at least by this year?
i'm going to cry and break down now so i'll just stop here.

nights people, blog soon.