it's so difficult to smile now when i'm alone.

it's just so painful inside while i'm strong on the outside.

woke up at 8 today and i couldnt sleep back. for a moment i thought we were still together.

i didnt cry last night, i was too tired and slept off nearly instantly. he was tired, but i guess he was lying.

i went to my toilet and saw myself in the mirror, tears just rolled down my eyes. i couldnt control it, i kept asking myself what should i do.

" should i just let us be friends?"

" should i try to make things better?"

" should i just let go and let it flow by itself?"

" do i have enough energy to pull through this?"

so many questions in my mind but i know in my heart that i will still try no matter how many times my heart is broken.

i've been hurt so many times in this relationship but nothing is going to stop me.

maybe i'm stupid and keeping all my pride to save this but this is my life, he is my life.

i've really no mood to post about my usa trip. ikr, super spoiler. not today cos gonna be out the whole day i guess.

i need to be busy to keep my thoughts away.

meeting clarie today, at least there's someone to be hyper with (:

thanks to those who tried cheering me up. my mood is just unstable so it's like a woman having pms everyday. so sorry! i'll blog soon. or maybe later at night.

baby, i miss you and i love you. i'll wait for your love to be back, i'll always be with you when you're feeling down. when you need me i'll be there to listen, when you're happy i hope you will share your joy with me. I just wanna be part of your life. lastly, i'm terribly sorry.

i just broke up.

yes and many people still thought i was single all along.

and yes all along since july i was attatched.

i cant type out too many information here because many people would be reading this (:

many people will ask me if i'm okay.

no i am not okay but i aint crying, yet.

this relationship is the best yet weird one, because it's all about the feelings.

many couples will always break apart due to something particular and for me it is the feelings.

and fyi it isnt me. when it comes to love, it seldom fades. call me despo.

things arent good for this whole while, and i did something wrong that made the whole thing gone.

oh well,

we broke up for the time being.

who is he? i cant tell you. and for those who know, just dont go around saying it out.

but actually its for his sake not mine.

we didnt wanna be in an open relationship, or let's say he.

we wanted to try it out till end of the year. and if nothing happens, we'll be friends.

if there's something, we'll be open.

so i guess 50% you all wont get to know who eh haha kaypos.

i broke down so much but he says he will try his best and he hopes i will too.

i was glad when i saw that (: cos i know my mistake and i will try my best.

even though i used up so much energy just to be with him and making this relationship work,

i know i still have alot more to try till i really give up.

some tell me to just give up, others say i can do better.

i haven't made up a decision up till now, but i know i still cant let go all the way.

so yea, we're not talking for the mean time. i hope i wont cry to sleep tonight.

i dono how he feels now. sad, angry, disappointed. or all?

why do i seem so confident that i can get him back? is it my problem? is there sth wrong with me?

you know i pray so hard and i hope god will notice me and whatever i've done.

when i go to usa i pray he's safe and well, whenever i see sth nice i always hope he's here to experience something he has never seen before.

he is my top priority. and i will do anything to get his love back.

i know i've typed alot of crap here but this is just what i'm thinking and got to say.

i'm just feeling unstable and i can just cry or laugh anytime. so i'm sorry if sometimes i just ignore you or reply a little and suddenly go bonkers~

i know most likely you wont be even looking at my blog but baby i still love you and i will try my best to get us back.

i know you keep pushing me away and think that i'm mad cos i keep pulling you back.

the reason is that i know you're the right one for me. you indirectly saved my life from my past and you changed my perspective of life. i may have hurt you many times but please know i dont mean it.

i hope to receive your text soon cos i'm constantly checking my phone even though there's no vibration.

i love you.

heyhey people! it's like 3 plus now and raining madly. been sitting here since 1 or sth :x

backside hurts a little LOL.

woke up at 8.30 cos i'm supposed to collect my phone and dentist.

went all the way to vivo and was so tired -.-

phone data all gone, contacts,music,messages and photos...

everything me and baby had all gone.

it really sucks are things are alr bad enough and this has to happen.

is this like meant to be? or can i create brand new memories with him over again?

and i even cried cos of this. i know most likely you wont be reading this but you still mean so much to me.

took my phone, went to clementi. framed up a painting i bought from USA hehe.

went dentist, did a check and cleaning. the entire time out i was so cold i dono why :(

am i like half sick? o.o

reached home to eat lunch. and yea sat here watching youtube!

gosh so many videos to catch up on. and the rain makes me so tired and lovesick :'(

while watching videos i finally uploaded photos for my USA trip!

the reason why i upload in my blog and not facebook first is cos i wanna publish my blog LOL.

so you all can read more and not only see photos la! so many i not so bad de okay! HEHEHE.

so yeah........................

DAY 1 IN USA.

first photo taken! buying sweet and nonsense in Singapore airport.

i look so happy! IKR! cos i am wearing Hello Kitty F3

another photo. excited much!

little chloe! the air stewardess gave her the Guess Who? game!

so many planes~~~

mummy and daddy!

xiao yi and chloe~

waiting time to fly off was super longggggg

up up here we go! :D

i eat kids meal like a boss. LOL. i duno.

guess what movie i'm watching?! :D

touching down TO USA!!!

our photographer on standby mode :P

we were at Anaheim! my uncle always say "Ana AHEM" LOL

in the coach bus! everyone wearing jackets all!

our wonderful tour guide Isabel! i still dono her race lmao. she's indian but speaks both fluent english and chinese! can i be like her? XD

wearing my windbreaker LOL. my winter jacket dono at where~

checking in our first hotel! or inn? heh.

my luggage! i love the colour!

just to remember in case i got lost LOL.

cozy lil space <3

does hello kitty look cuter than me?!

Holiday Inn!

Isabel bringing us to places near our hotel. weather so nice! like air con~

a group of 28 people. nearly full

first place we went walking was like a supermarket called Target.

IT SELLS NEARLY ALL THE CRAP I TELL YOU.

it's a one floor large ass place to shop.

shoes, hats, tops, blah blah, food, battery. SIAOEH!

cant even see how deep it goes! ( that's what she said :P )

two photo bombs heh.

i told my mum she should buy this hat to prevent the sun light LOL.

time to show off my winter jacket! super ex!

BUT ITS FREAKING GOOD. i'm not cold a single bit!

look at the super big pop corns etc.

i say their for hardcore gamers. LOL!

just sit there play and eat. can last for damn long.

seeing this makes me remember art! i really miss art.

the smell of paint, the feeling of the canvas, the pencil shading, the noise we made.

art isnt just a subject, it means many things to me <3

thats all i had for day one! we had subway for dinner and i got really dizzy at night.

i felt like i was floating on air or something.

and one thing about usa is that the traffic lights are super fast okay! once u delay walking abit you gg alr~

bathed, used facebook to talk to baby and slept.

it was really difficult to talk to baby cos the time difference was really difficult for us :/

i guess he didnt really bother or mind at all.

you know i grasp any chance i could get to use the internet just to talk to you?

oh well. thats all, will continue tmr! :P

hello people! reached home yesterday at 3 plus afternoon.

baby was working. i took a nap and packed my stuff,

really wasnt feeling well and i dono why. pms? -.-

watched youtube the entire night. didnt blog or on the lappy! i swearrr.

too tired okay. use ipad only.

waited for baby to end work and text me.

things didnt go well, he wasnt in the mood so i slept. after all the wait sigh...

today morning went breakfast. came back and continue unpacking.

used ipad, ate lunch, bathe, went tp!

fetched er yi and kelly and drove to tp.

talked non stop otw there luh! oh and ps tp means toa payoh which means my ah ma house! <3

reached there and talked non stop about the trip etc. so many jokes and nonsense to update my cousins.

didnt text baby, i dono why. things are just changing.

dinner was at some restaurant. i ate porridge and so little. super tired and no mood and no appetite!

reached home and wanted to webcam with baby but couldnt.

he now also gonna sleep ler.

sigh.

i will be posting a daily post from day 1 to 1o/11 days from my trip soon.

still got alot of packing of room and settling down.

so here's just some pictures to let you all see a lil hehe.

and if you realised my entire post got no hyperness or "LOL" at all!

i'm really super tired and shagged.

hope things will get better soon.

will blog tmr alrights?

i know right. super emo picture.

it's 10.15pm and i got home at 9pm.

bathed and all, pack my luggage and i'm here posting!

cried while bathing gosh. i dont like going oversea. just feels like i'm leaving for good.

plus now that i'm attatched, oh em geeee :'(

okay so morning me and bro brought eric cut hair. ( as what i said in my previous post)

ate lunch and watched Sunny Girl.

1 plus wanted to leave house ler but erica was ready for collection! LOL.

i no have a picture of her :(

continued watching Sunny Girl instead of leaving house LOL.

wanted to watch finish one episode heh.

so left house at 2 plus so i took a cab to baby's house.

took so long to find a taxi and the man sent his mum home first LOL.

this kind of customer so good can?! okay luh cos i was despo to go baby house asap :>

reached baby house and stayed there for an hour or so.

i cried! :( i told myself not so :(

but i'll really miss baby.

never go oversea when you have a boyfriend. LOL. jkjk i'll still love and miss him ^^

i'm alr missing him now!

chionged and cabbed AGAIN to justina house cos i was freaking late.

daddy told me to have dinner there hehe. so played wii!

and yea, i said wanna take photo.

my camera only have one. LOL.

was just having so much fun luh, plus texting baby.

i rather capture the moments myself in my heart than using the camera hehe.

this is my cousin kelly! LOL.

i dono why i look so happy HAHA.

gonna wake up at 5.30am tmr but who cares cos i'm boss. LOLJK.

bet i cant even sleep luh. will talk to baby, watch youtube etc.

cos i got freaking 18 hours to sit on the plane tmr -_-

and baby if you're reading my blog cos i will tell you to do so hehe.

i'll remember your promise, i'm a happy girl today :3

remember to open the thing i gave you from tmr onwards!

I LOVE YOU.

okay super mushy right, i stop here. LOL!

GOODBYE PEOPLE! I'LL BE BACK ON THE 27TH!

I'LL MISS SINGAPORE! :D

GOOD MORNING!

it's 11.11 AM! i woke up at 8 plus but facebook has so many notifications over and over!

so i ate breakfast and watched abit of Sunny Girl!

bro and i brought erica to cut hair hehe.

came home and my bro used my lappy so draggggggg. LOL.

a confession to make! most of my photos are all the old ones cos i look super unglam now with my long bangs etc -_-

plus i've been so busy, my room is in a big mess cos of O's and i have no time to camwhore okay!

so nah i give nice nice picture to lie to you all. LMAO
and yea even my hair is super messy now i dono why even though i trimmed it not long ago :(

unlike the one above!

gonna meet baby to pass him sth i guess, spend abit of time i hope :(

my last time seeing him before i go USA!

then gonna go justina house to play wii. gosh i miss cousin time!

must must take photo! LOL.

i will blog at night to give my last post before i leave tmr!.

love you all! :D

I AM HOME PEOPLE! like 30 mins ago but yeah LOL.

facebook is a major distraction can!

this is the first time i blogged about what i did outside since last year!

gosh how i really missed it.

sorry i have no pictures cos i was really enjoying my day kekekeke.

fought with baby in the morning over some lame stuff, i hope he's not angry now!

took bus all the way to bugis, was typing a msg to baby and i look down then wanted to vomit!

one random lady made us laugh all the way to the ticket counter LOL.

super fml, i'm still 15 and i cant watch NC16 movie.

wanted to watch you are the apple of my eye! STUPID LUHH.

please luh i'm 1995 leh, count 16 can anot?!

walked to iluma and try again, they say cannot LOL.

wanted to watch footloose but 5 plus start -_-

sooooooooooooooo.

WATCHED IN TIME!

okay before that went to eat lunch, i eat so slow :( can someone be ever patient with me?!

was late for the movie! lucky baby not so angry :/

movie was alright. so many kissing scene, baby keep using jacket cover my face LOL!!

the show was okay but the ending was kinda -_-

like when u watch the ending then u like O_O then -_- "like that end uh?" LOL.

had major major chest problem! i'm so scared one day i really faint or what lor!

and when i say chest problem, my chest hurts and heart will pain.

IT ISNT THAT CHEST PROBLEM. ( if u really get what i mean heh~)

went to buy KOI! LOL LIKE FOR MY WHOLE O LEVEL NO KOI AND I MANAGE TO SURVIVE.

baby wanted me to bring his jacket to USA. i really wanted to :( but i cant think of any excuse to tell my parents or family. sian diao!?

walk around bugis then stupid yet lovely baby (LOL) buy cigg~ walk here and there then baby send me to mrt hehe (:

-

-

-

WENT TO CLEMENTI MALL!

walk around while waiting for DA XIAO JIE CLARIE WHO SPRAINED HER FOOT TODAY BUT STILL CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT! LOL.

was at library reading then went to eat dinner with her.

super epic cos we order wrong then not enough money. LOL!

not gonna say it in detail cos it's super ps for us okay!

more ps for me is i wanted to buy her dinner to celebrate her early birthday cos i go USA ler.

AND I NO ENOUGH MONEY LMAOO LOL

*awkward silence*

walked to clarie house downstairs to chat for like 1 hour plus!

was so afraid i would get lost LOL.

but hey i'm home safely. not bad for this ellyne leh! XD

okay and here's another pic of me. see my necklace.

clarie asked me what necklace is that and after i said it was my luggage key.

she burst out laughing for like dono how long. LOL WTF?

okay yes i know it's weird but i'm really afraid that i will lose it!

it's my bao bei!

i am really crazy sometimes.......................

okay so now i'm here on my bed with no lights typing this. and i dono why i said this LOL.

oh how i miss this life so much!

and i forgot to bring sth to baby, stupid fight made me so angry till i forgot :(

facebook is spamming me like mad LOL.

guess i wont be watching Sunny Girl till tmr morning ><

will be back tmr! BYE BYE!

hello everyone! it's the end of O's gosh. and the only thing i cant wait for is going to USA.

nothing about coming back home because i think it'll be a terrible holiday for me.

Going out with baby today ^^

didnt feel like it but i guess that's the only chance bah.

wanted him to send me home but i guess not. i'm going to fly away alr and i just wished that could happen :(

been struggling so much over this lately, my mood is like super unstable.

kinda sorry that i got angry with baby cos his pre paid low then cant msg.

i'm afraid what will happen after i come back from USA. really.

ahh gonna watch abit more of Sunny Girl, then go bathe and prepare go out lo.

i'm ellyne, i'm a strong girl! cannot give up. *smile*

good morning people! ^^

it's currently 9.56 am! i'm currently watching Sunny Girl! LOL.

yesterday wasnt a good day for me, but still happy cos i owed baby a mac donald meal!

happy to meet him yesterday finally :')

havent eat breakfast yet :( waiting till 11 eat ler then go sch for last paper!

going to toa payoh later to do sth then dinner out! not sure with who yet LOL.

last paper today! i didnt really study much :(

physics should be okay but chemistry i hosehliao!

oh well i will do my best later on hehehe ^^

well well well, look whats!

packed my luggage yesterday morning! kinda excited but i'm more excited going out with baby tmr!

nah, a photo for you all cos i just woke up F3.

blog soon! maybe tonight? maybe tmr?

i'll try to do a last post before i GO FOR USA!!!!!