July's gonna be one whole emotional month due to many things which I wish I could share with you all in one direct post.
But anyways.. before I start with loads of words and reflections; I just want to disclaim that I'm honestly feeling real down (& slightly sick), therefore this page of happiness wouldn't be as bubbly as it would use to. Still, please wait for me till I get better ^^
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A few days ago, something with a huge impact hit me and made me realize and reflect upon loads of things. This post is not only for that one person but for the many who have gone through the same thing, it might sound cheesy/unbelievable or stupid but trust me; I've been through it.
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For some of those who have been reading my blog ever since February, I actually met and knew this guy called "Mr K", and I want to point out that it's not the guy I've met during an event but from last year..
*For privacy reasons, I've cut some information to make it simpler but the story line is indeed real.
Mr K and I met last year not long after I broke up with Willie and he was that first eye candy that I sort of loved. Many people knew it because it was obvious with how mesmerized I was with him but he just didn't know and I was too shy to even say it out.
Just within the few weeks, he and I started to talk nearly everyday. We got so close to a point that people thought we were together / going to be together but of course we remained very close friends.
It was a happy time talking to him despite his habits are real different from all the guys I hung out with, I learnt what was patience all about.
He could spend 15 or 20 minutes to reply me but all I could do was to forgive him,
He could call me to chat and then after 15 minutes he said he needed to put down; but I was still happy I got to hear his voice.
He sacrificed some of his time when I needed him, even though he's not the best comforter, he was still the best man of the few I knew.
It was less than a month that things went too quickly and we weren't official nor open, things got a little confusing for both us but we still stayed for each other.
I remember people telling me to leave him because "He's not good enough" or "It's just not good", but I want to ask,
What's good enough? Can it really be measured?
1st April was the day everything came to an end.
He said he couldn't take it anymore and that that was it.
I remember crying to sleep that night till my eyes swell and I called him the next day crying my hearts out saying that I just really wanted him.
All his replies were "For now it's painful, but after awhile it won't be as painful anymore", or "I thought I could handle you, but I'm also human."
It was so painful I stayed home for a few days not telling anyone and not many were even there for me, I had so much hatred in him that I wanted revenge or telling the whole world what exactly happened.
But after a few weeks of pain and numbness, things got better.
Up till now, I couldn't recall how things were better. It just did, I was slowly over him till school started.
It was so painful seeing him, he said he felt like I'm not how I used to be; I didn't know what to reply but I was crying inside.
We met up again once or twice, we behaved the same way we used to and at the second time; I couldn't take it.
I asked if we could get together and we started talking things out, and both of us decided to just let go of everything and remain mutual.
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Has this ever happened to you?
Where by one person impacted your life so much that you could cry and beg that person to be back to you, where that one person just left you all of a sudden.
I've learnt a lot from this experience and I must say I'm glad that all these happened.
Why?
- It made me stronger and realize that managing heartbreaks alone is possible; it's whether you choose to accept it or not.
- It made me realize that people come and go, and we all had our happy memories; why choose to brood over the bad ones?
- It made me help others who have gone through the same process as me; they ask me how I did it.
I just did. Because I know it's possible.
Sometimes the more you want to forget something, the more you think of it.
Thinking of it real practically, you spend 1 hour in your bus ride home trying to forget that someone that hurt you so much but all you do is actually thinking of that person even more.
Then you feel worst.
You don't want to regret losing another person don't you?
Live your life as per normal, cry when you think it's worth; and appreciate your family and friends.
If you think it's painful to forget someone, then don't.
Continue loving him/her in silence, because one day you might realize that you actually let go without realizing; and the pain would be reduced so much more.
Don't force yourself in whatever you're doing that pains you more, do what makes you happy.
Thank the people who have hurt you because of the lessons you've learnt, use it to help someone else going through something worst.
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Mr K, Thank you for still being my friend.
Thank you for the memories and also the times when you were there for me.
Thank You :)
6 comments:
Just read your post, glad that you got back up and standing strong now?
I going a similar situation as you now, but we didn't talk anymore, he just ignore me. Oh well. I guess I will be alright soon too.
Still, the last few parts of your post, thanks alot. It helps. :)
No problem, no matter what happens; stay strong cos it's no use brooding over sad things :)
True, is just that I kept thinking those memories that I spent with him. Don't understand why he left without telling or explaining and just one day decide to ignore me.
But I know he is not worth it whereby he don't really love me either in the first place. Hais hard to say, just I couldn't get over it now, just keep thinking. How I wish there's someone to guide me through, is hard to go through this all alone. :(
Hey chill girl, don't worry. We always make mistakes and this isn't my first too! The truth is, we need to make mistakes to learn from our experiences and also to embrace that we once had a chance to be with someone you really liked/loved.
If my post helps, always come back to feel better because you're never alone :)
& hey! I've gone through that alone, it's possible when you've finally sorted out your mind and thoughts :>
I tell myself that is not worth it, but I can't help but to think back the past and actually hoping one day, he will text me.
I feel like dying every day. :(
How did you able to go through all this so strong? Is so hard. :(((
Thinking back to the past is normal, but hoping him to text you one day is just gonna hurt you. So what if he's gonna text you? It might be for a minor reason or he's just using you again.
Time is all you need, of course; find something more meaningful to do. Appreciate your friends and family before it's too late and you'll regret again ya? :D
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