CONTINUATION.

Many ups and downs happened between me and studies, me and family, me and friendship and me and him. I guess we started to be so close that we forgot we were only friends.

That day i never expected came, 21st July 2011.

It was racial harmony day! He wore that cute malay costume that made me smile whenever i see him walking around sch. He was just so cute, handsome, loving and friendly that all girls would definitely want when they first saw him. Off cos i didn't tell him how cute he looked, i just said he was okay. hehe.

I had to stay back for something in school and we were supposed to meet. I told him i loved his attire and he didn't wanna change when we met! I told him it was okay cos the weather was so hot. hehe, isn't he cute? Well off course we met, this time much closer; side by side. We talked as usual, laughing at each other. He kept tickling me and i did the same, kept hitting each other and fighting to see who's the strongest. I felt so blessed when talking and playing with him.

and i forgot to add on that we hugged frequently every time we met.

I was hugging him at that moment, he looked at me with those eyes. i could see how much he loved me; i could feel so much from looking at him. He said he wanted to do something, i asked him what. He said he can't say but only can do. So i said nvm. After awhile, he kissed me.

The one thing i did was pushed him away. I was happy, afraid, scared, confused.

I said "no". I forgot what really happened. I only remembered you said that you like me and that you would love me sooner or later. I guess i was so shocked and blur that i forgot what happened. I skipped tuition and had to go home as it was already 7 plus. I remembered you chased after the bus for me cos i would be late! I was so touched.

You may think that things got better, but somehow i didn't accept him fully.



TO BE CONTINUED.

YESTERDAY WAS VALENTINES DAY! ^^

and off cos i celebrated with my lovely boyfriend. photos are up on facebook! we went to the the Singapore Zoo :P

Since this is the best valentines day i've ever encounted, i've decided to share with you all me and boyfriends LOVE STORY ^^



My first memory of baby willie was during secondary 3 (2010) when he was at the hall, i used to name him " the cute guy that always walk to the hall very fast". i used to find him cute but i didn't really bother after that.

The first time we talked was on facebook! it was on the 23rd June 2011 when we had our last day of motivational camp. I was the one that talked to him first which wasn't really a big challenge for me as it was just a random chat, we continued chatting and he gave me his number cos he had to go! which was a super big step cos i never had a guys number immediately only on our first chat.

We started texting and talking to each other on MSN. Whenever i reach home, i would online MSN with my phone as i didn't have my laptop and waited for him to online. He would always talk to me first most of the time which was surprising cos most guys i talked to seldom initiated talks everyday. It was a daily routine to talk to each other through text and MSN but we just didn't talk to each other in real life despite him sitting near me during morning assembly.

I still remember there was once when i stayed back in school for science practical and his pre paid was low so we couldnt text. I thought we wouldnt text for long as i don't know when he will top up or even talk to me. Suddenly i received a text from him saying that he just top up, i was so shocked and asked him why he had to tell me. He just said he had the need to. That was when i felt weird, my heart felt tingly. I guess i started to like him.

There was a dance competition in our school and i wanted to watch it so badly but none of my classmates were going. I asked my art friends and they were okay with it, then i asked willie if he wanted to go. i knew it was weird asking but i guess thats the only time i can really see him for long. i thought he would say no but instead he agreed but he was closer to his friends than me. I remembered his smile at me and i didn't smile back cos i guess i was so shy and he kept smiling and waving so that i would give him a reply. <3

I went home alone as they were all dragging their time and i had the need to be alone. I was super emotional during that time as many things happened so i just left them. I was at pending lrt bus stop which was the place i always went to go home. I saw him afterwards walking home with your friend and we just gave each other a smile. I had that feeling that he stayed near pending area and i felt so shy and shocked when i saw him. He and his friend were at the lrt station buying stuff, i couldnt help but keep looking at him.

Few mins later when i looked back to find him, i saw him walking towards my direction and his friend was gone. I thought he was just coming to the bus stop but he waved widely at me, my eyes opened so wide cos i so afraid that he would talk to me which i knew it would happen.

He sat beside me smiling which i loved the most. I was kinda shy at the start and i asked him why he came here. He said i was lonely but i told him that i was just alone. He then argued saying alone meant that i was lonely. I was kinda sad at that point but he cheered me up alot. I started opening up to him and we talked and laughed over small stuff. He kept laughing at me and the reason was i had alot of facial expressions. I felt happy when i saw him laughing even though it wasnt intentional for me to make him laugh. We talked from 3 to 6.30 and he had to go home. It was one of the best chats ever and i wasn't so sad anymore.

The second time we talked to each other was also at the bus stop, he didnt stop to talk to me at first but we were texting when he was walking home. Somehow he asked me if i wanted to talk to him. Even though i wanted it i told him that there wasn't a need to as he would have to walk back again. All of a sudden i saw him rushing back and he sat beside me again with his lovely smile. I told him that i wanted to go to a peaceful place and he suggested that we went to the block behind. That was when i told him i was afraid of lifts and he was coaxing me to try. Somehow i was okay with it and i felt really safe when i was in the lift with him.

The first time with him alone was really awkward at first and i sat far away from him cos i had this respect for him and didnt wanna go so close. We chatted there and had so much fun. Even though we were far apart, the chat just continued and there wasn't any pause at all. I felt so happy and i knew that i was going to be in love with him.

It was my O level year and also his when we talked. I didn't wanna be in love or get into anymore relationships as i told myself from the start. I was getting afraid to talk to him more as i didn't wanna love him. I kept telling myself that he was just a normal friend and that whatever he did for me was normal and that he would do it to others too.

The 3rd meetup at the block was when i sat beside him on the staircase, i felt so comfortable with him and i just couldnt resist the love i felt for him. He told me about his family problems and i sat there and listened. That was when i saw the real Willie and he cried badly. I was so touched when i saw him cry as i didn't see a tough guy like him crying because of his family. I was also so guilty as i realised i didn't cherish my family as much. I started crying too and i hated it so much as i disliked crying outside and infront of guys. I tried to control but i just cried non stop; willie was scared and he stopped crying and started comforting me; asking me why i cried so much. I kept looking away as i didn't want him to see my face. He took out tissues from his bag and tried to clean away my tears when i kept blocking him. He finally pulled me facing him and he used his hands to wipe away my tears. I felt so loved when his hand touched me and that was when i suddenly hugged him.

I smiled when i hugged him and i loved his smell. I felt so much better and that Willie really changed my perspective of life. The funny thing when i let go of him was when he said " woa, my heartbeat very fast sia." I knew what he meant but i pretended i didn't know and just ignored that sentence. I already had this feeling that we both loved each other but i thought it was only one sided (me) and that i was thinking too much.

When i was on the way home, i text willie saying that hugging him would be the first and last. He asked why with "?!". I confessed.

Yes i confessed saying that i have feelings for him and i didn't want it to happen, neither do i want to have stronger feelings for him. He just laughed and said that hugging him was fine. I hated his answer so much cos hugging him was really the best feeling in the world.



TO BE CONTINUED.

Have you ever felt worthless?

Where your days seem so dull without any excitement or thrill...
You feel little as you compare yourself to the people around you;
who are more successful,
smarter and
richer than you.
There's a feeling of worthlessness...
Suddenly, we are dissatisfied with our own lives.

Why?

Do you know that;
Some of the world's most miserable people are the rich and famous ones.

Money can definitely solve problems; but it can also create problems.
Nothing in this physical world can bring long lasting happiness.
That's why people get bored and want more in their lives.

But some of the happiest people in the world; are the ones who don't earn very much.
They're probably some average people who just have enough to get by.
They don't stand out in a crowd; but they are rich with happiness because they value the precious things that money can't buy.

Money can buy you medication; but not health.
Money can buy you a house; but not a home.
Money can buy you sex; but not love.
Money can buy you companions; but not friends.

So what if you don't stand out in a crowd? You can still be happy!
YOU are not worthless.
Big or small, you can make an impact too!
By being a good friend, spouse, parent or sibling...
Lending a shoulder to cry on...
Giving a warm hug.

Sincerity is priceless.
Despite big or small gestures; we can all make a difference.

Off course; there's nothing wrong with doing well in life...
Just realise money isn't everything.
Everything you have now is possibly all you ever need to have true happiness..


After all... it's not about the food you eat but who you are eating with.

hello everyone! another short update.

I'M GOING TO CUT SIDE FRINGEEE. LOL. i'm bored with my hair and my life x.x
but i still dono which side. LOL. i'm hyper now dont mind me. hehe.

i packed my room today :O which was a miracle for me doing that, then i got a pimple on my face -.-
did nothing much today cos mum was home; going to pack another small section of my room tmr then maybe go out. no plans yet! anyone??? D:

if not i'm going to find my hair stylist and ask if i can cut side. LOL.

staying at home all day can really make me emo :(
so i have to go out tmr really!!!


ps: i typed this yesterday but i didnt press publish. HAHAHA WTF.

hello people! another update here.

idk why so many people have been reading my bloggy~ and say i emo kia LOL.
ok lah i'm not emo, i'm typing my thoughts out; but it doesnt really affect me so much ^^

went out with my love love today hehe. just a simple small outing; but i enjoyed today <3

i'm very bored with my life now :/ its either i'm home playing/rotting, working or going out.
gosh i need to spice up my life! how i wish someone can bring me somewhere to have alot of fun and doing crazy things hehe.

nothing to blog, but i'm bored LOL. i wanna sing! can i? D:

BYE!

this is my morning face hehe.

i woke up today and had my breakfast alone and before i started eating i saw my entire house;
just a typical look at everything and i started to think alot about it.

home can mean alot to many of us, and i'm glad i have a nice home and family.

BUT......

when you look at me, am i really happy with all i have?

People see me as the girl living in a big house, having a dog that can accompany me any time.
you see me smiling and laughing all day, having coach and gucci, being the high class girl.

but have you ever thought of what i really want?

i just want true happiness and a simple life.

doesn't mean living in a big house can make me enjoy.
doesn't mean having money and branded stuff can make me have no worries.
we have those cos we are fortunate enough to afford the things we want.

but it's a different happiness when you get something else like leading a simple life.

all i ever wanted was to stay in a cozy house, i don't need a big house.
all i ever wanted was to explore nice places i always wanted to go for long.
all i ever wanted was to do what i want like sing,draw;dance freely.
all i ever wanted was looking at beautiful things and that the smile on my face is real.

i don't need to laugh to express my happiness, but when i simply look at something i love, i'm laughing inside. cos that happiness is just indescribable.

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i just feel so tired. i feel like i'm living a complicated life.

can someone give me true happiness? can someone just make me be myself?

can someone wake me up as early as 8 and bring me for morning walks and then have a simple breakfast, bring me to places so that we can spend time on bonding instead of just using the computer. watch a lovely movie; go back to our childhood and run around like how free and REALLY happy we used to be. sitting on swings thinking about how wonderful and pretty the world is outside instead of staying at home. talking and laughing at each other, appreciating little things in life that we all neglect. ending my night with wonderful lights and the sounds of crickets surrounding me, making me feeling so HAPPY.

am i just dreaming? can this really happen some day?

all i wish for is true happiness.

On a random thought, i miss school. Not only secondary school life but also primary. I miss those times when not doing homework was something so scary till it became something we can smile;laugh and be proud about. I miss those times ganging up as a class just to disturb that one teacher we "hate". But seriously, we don't hate; we still miss every teacher we know in our lives. I miss the smell of small exercise books and pencils to large foolscaps and pens we start to buy and throw at others. I miss writting and doodling everywhere and tables were like our paper and bed. I miss those celebrations we always had and always complained that they were boring but now we actually miss it. I miss studying like crap; waiting for PSLE and O's to end just to enjoy but now I'm here thinking how much i miss the past; despite good or bad. :')